I look at our two sons, grown now with children of their own, with wonder and some amazement – how did they turn out so, well, decent – and a small degree of pride – maybe we had something to do with it.
All of that is fresh in mind because the two of them were together with us for a couple of days over the July 4 holiday. That happens rarely – geography conspires to keep the apart – so I relished every moment, talking with them or just watching them enjoying each other.
Here were two people whom I respect and whose company I would enjoy even if they weren’t kin to me.
As much as I would like to think that it was all our doing, I know that raising children doesn’t work that way. There are no surefire rules for being a successful parent, though I am sure you could write down some surefire rules for being a failure.
A lot of us have had to learn parenting as we go along. I know I didn’t have a real role model for being a dad. I never saw my father after my 16th summer and saw precious little of him before then. We moved too often for me to have anyone who could be called a mentor.
Fortunately, most children are remarkably resilient, and I have come to believe that just being around counts for a lot.
I like to think that our sons learned some things from me. I know that I have learned a great deal from them and continue to do so.
From our older son, I have learned about optimism. He was born with the ability to see the positive side of almost any situation. You’ve got a flat tire? Aren’t you lucky that you have a spare and that it isn’t raining? That kind of mindset is not my nature, and I don’t know how many times I have been taking a gloomy view only to think of what Jeff would say and have smiled.
From our younger son, I’ve grown to appreciate a longer perspective – and patience. Funny that he learned before I did that there are a lot of things that aren’t nearly as important as we make them at the time, things we won’t even remember. Just because other people have priorities that aren’t the same as yours, it doesn’t mean they’re wrong.
I watch our sons with their children, and I suspect that in many ways they are better fathers than I was. I only hope that they turn out to be as lucky as I have been.
The writer can be contacted at billatthelake@gmail.com
